Wednesday, 15 July 2015
Post 23- what the...?
I haven't written in a while because I was on HOLIDAYS!!!
I know, I know! HOLY SMOKES BATMAN... HOLIDAYS! But hold on... I did nothing exciting...!
I cleaned my house... thoroughly. And I'm ashamed to admit it but I was excited about it.
It's not finished but meh... what in life actually gets finished when you have 3 kids and two jobs and a husband who's arms are painted on when he enters the inside of the house..? NOTHING.
So yeah.. i did my best and it's still not good enough... but on with getting my degree.
I wanted to talk about two articles today. The first one is about a husband who is not attracted to his wife any more now that she is a sz 18+ (read it here);
Now to this guy... my heart went out. He still loves his wife in every way but finds he is no longer physically attracted to her because of this and instead of body shaming her, because he says she does that enough already, he seeks out the advice of others. Now this can be perceived two ways, which the comments clearly showed;
one: "What an arsehole. its for better or worse you mother fucking piece of shit!" this was also thrown around "what if she'd lost a limb huh? would you love her then?? shallow arsehole!!" So much hate for this dude. It got me thinking... This surely didn't happen over night. Does he not have a good enough relationship with his wife that he can actually just gently talk about it..? BUT I felt a connection with the other side of the story, His. Sure it's for better or worse but what about his happiness? He loves every other aspect of this woman. its just her size... and it is impacting the other areas. He wants to help her gently and safely but just doesn't know how. Now as a wife who feels like a fat lump, much to my husbands disagreement, i can totally understand trying to look good for my husband. that is what I want to do. But this woman must have some other serious shit going on to expand the way she has. I think that she needs help and he needs help. they all need help. She will end up in an early grave and no one wants that. The body is not designed to be overweight. The pressure on the functioning systems of the body is massively intensified. I have concern for this woman from a health perspective but i think that no amount of gym time or healthy eating is going to fix her... unless she sorts out the real cause of her weight gain which could be anything ranging from mental health to emotional well being. But as the husband mentions in the article, she has not been able to stick with the gyming. He could always join. i love working out with my husband. Its sexy to see all his muscles cranking! DELICIOUS.
Now, on the flip side is this article, which my husband doesn't even believe is real (you can read it here);
This article is written by a woman, who's size is not disclosed, but she talks about not being her perky 20 year old self after 3 kids and another 20 years BUT she says her husband never wanted to bang her, even in the beginning, after the initial honeymoon phase of the relationship had worn off! And she still married that dude. And had 3 kids. The issue here is he watches porn. A LOT. Like 4+ times a week according to this woman. He would rather iron one out solo than park it in his garage.
My mind boggled. What is going on here i thought...? what the actual fuck is wrong with this man? with this woman..? with any of it..? holy fucking not fucking!
She has threatened etc and it's gone nowhere. He loves to bat it out alone. She copped flack on this page, and so did he.. much like the other post.
Porn... Yes... i'm going to talk about my opinion of it. Porn is great if it's together or the other partner is comfortable and aware of what is going down solo. And by that I don't mean announcing every time you're going to go solo... I just mean that I feel the conversation needs to be had about what level is acceptable and both people are comfortable with. Porn is taboo... but guess what? so is miscarriage, stillbirth, abortion, homosexuality and so many things. i feel these things are taboo for three reason; 1. Religion -thanks Catholicism for zipping the lips of anyone who has ever felt different of thought differently or 'failed' in your eyes, 2. the fear of offending one another.. truth about this is be tactful but don't lose who you are and come from a place of kindness. 3. fear of rejection and fear of failure- no one wants to be rejected of fail. this makes us vulnerable. no one likes to feel vulnerable and be open to hurt.
Now back to porn.. it's a conversation that needs to be had, otherwise people are going to get hurt, and more often than not.. the hurt person won't get the support from the offender because they don't see any issue.. all because the conversation was never had. Set the common ground.
Now back to the articles...what I really found interesting was that these two couples with their relationships could easily be the SAME couple.
It's always easy to pass judgement with only half the facts, as so many of us do. HELL I even pass judgement just from the outfits I see out on the town sometimes...! But on my mission to suspend my judgement and become a well rounded nurse, all these thoughts came flooding to me at about 3am. So here I am smashing away the next day.
The biggest thing I noticed was the absolute death and crucifixion of communication. It was no where to be seen in either of these relationships.
It was GONE. And to speculate, I'd say that over time it just ran dry. You can only flog a dead horse/shout at a deaf mule for SO long before a bad case of the "fuck it" sets in.
I feel both these people need a good does of communication life support.
And i say this from a place that has had many a communication breakdown in their relationship.
I shut off my communication because I'm afraid to rock the boat... yeah laugh it up... I know you don't think of me like that (those of you who know me) but with my family it's different.
With my husband it's different. It's not his fault. In the past, I was in an really bad relationship, and as a result of that I fear an angry partner. One day I won't and my current partner/husband will get the shock of his life because I said it the first time i was feeling it instead of locking it away in fear.
WOWSER... flood gates are open. i think thats enough about my past life and the shit that went down.
Moral of the story... be kind, be considerate and gain the full picture before offering 'helpful/judgemental' advice. And always try that shoe on the other foot... mmm shoes... shopping... nope. Got to stop it before my eyes glaze over.